I once told an assistant director of a child care center, “We don’t have time to hurry.” She liked it so much she kept repeating it to me and her staff for years.
When you rush a relationship with another person bad things will likely happen. That takes longer. My goal is to guide my subjects to what I want as quickly and smoothly as possible. That means I have to work smoothly and efficiently but hurrying is not efficient.
I photographed an 11 month old girl last week that illustrates this well. Let’s call her Sammi.
Mom and Grandma brought Sammi in to one of our store promotions. She had fallen asleep in the car and it was one of the hottest days of the year. Sammi looked like she would rather still be sleeping. They were the only customers there at that time. I took it slow. I started talking to Mom and Grandma and let Sammi get used to me.
After a few minutes another customer showed up, a 3 or 4 year old girl with her mother. Sammi’s mother suggested I photograph the other child first while Sammi woke up. I agreed that would be good, but first I wanted to get to know Sammi a little more. With her still in her mother’s arms, I engaged her until she was taking a ball from me and handing it back consistently. Only then did I photograph the other child.
When I got back to Sammi she was a little more awake and her mother and grandmother didn’t feel rushed by a waiting customer. (Quick tip: If you come in during nap time your child may be tired but there won’t be a lot of other customers.)
Eventually, Sammi warmed up enough for me to be comfortable placing her on the table. Soon she was giving me big smiles and doing everything I could expect an 11 month old to do.
An important point is that when the mother suggested I photograph the other child first, I did not switch to the other child immediately. Talking with Sammi until she was responding to me was important for everybody. Sammi’s mother and grandmother had much more confidence after they saw her responding to me. The older child and her mother saw Sammi playing with me and it helped them to relax. And of course Sammi felt better about me after playing ball for a while.
If I had immediately left Sammi to do the older child it might not have gone as well with either.
The older child took a minute to warm up. It was nap time and a hot day. She looked melted, too. I took my time and the sitting went very well. Sammi’s mother and grandmother watched and gained more confidence in my ability to handle their child.
Had I either rushed Sammi or left her immediately to photograph the other child first, I might have lost both of them. Or, it might have taken longer to photograph them.
Sammi is not her real name and the pictures accompanying this post are of a child of about her age.